A Freshman’s Guide To Alcohol

totally.

Thought Catalog

YanLev / (Shutterstock.com) YanLev / (Shutterstock.com)

While everyone reacts differently to alcohol, this is written from various things I observed during my freshman year of college.

Vodka: Cheap French Whore.

While a few people prefer this type of alcohol, many drink it just because it is the cheapest way to get drunk the fastest. You might start out with a heavily diluted mixed drink and still gag when it hits your throat. You’ll eventually be able to suffer through a shot, but no amount of drunkenness will enable you to do this without cringing. For the love of God, if you value your dignity, stay away from Burnett’s.

Wine: Classy Bitch.

Whether it’s a $14 box or a fancy bottle, drinking wine will make you feel as if you’re too good to even party with the sloppy fouls at the bar; that is, until you are the sloppy foul yourself. You…

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