Aspergers

I get down when the weather is bad and in the UK it frequently is even in summer. I’m a bit like a solar battery as I feel a lot better when it’s sunny. I also get a bit depressed each month, I think it must be hormonal because of the regularity it happens. I have weird mood swings sometimes almost like I’m bipolar going from happy to sad etc. Also I have my obssessions but I’m a bit stuck at the moment as I don’t really have one. This gives a great lack of interest in anything and I’m not really motivated which is bad as there is a lot of time being wasted trying to figure out the next step. I never expected that my love of Pokemon would diminish, pick back up and then leave again, same for alcohol or even sex. These are all kind of childish which I totally am despite being 30 but grown up things like learning Greek just make me sad because I’m not there. An autistic without a special interest means there is a great big hole in there lives and they don’t know what to do about it as it doesn’t happen very often. It feels like there purpose in life has been eroded and there is a desperate scramble to regain some semblance of order. Too many thoughts going round my head trying to sort out this mess and it doesn’t get me anywhere. I would like to dance but it’s the cost, transportation, weather, partner and safety issues that need fixing first. I need to get out of the house for socialisation reasons but also exercise otherwise I would just stay inside and read Game of Thrones as Winter is Coming!
I don’t talk much about things but when I do it tends to be excessively as its all or nothing with me most of time and I sometimes prefer to write about them so that they are ordered and logical. It also avoids making social faux pas and it’s a monologue which I’m more comfortable with as you don’t have to interpret emotions or gauge interest. I think too much at the moment and it’s not doing me any favours questioning everything about my life. I just want things to be simple but that seems to be too much to ask so I think I’m going to retreat into technology until it’s safe to come out. I don’t know when that will be. 

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Names, faces and voices

Sometimes I remember people more from their face, with celebrities, it tends more to be their voice. I associate names with a certain look or personality so I’m afraid if your called Michael that just makes me think of Christianity which is not a bad thing until I come across someone called that who isn’t religious. It’s weird how names resonate so much with us yet the people that have them can be so different. I have found that lots of people interested in computer science tend to be called Chris. Don’t know why but I recently came across a chart that analysed the 6 most popular names in about 15 different professions. They sounded like the names you expect from those jobs so do we grow into our names and seek to become like all the others with it or does the name make us into what it means. For instance mine is Angela and I like to think of myself as an angel.

Aspergers and empathy

Now a lot of people think that people with Aspergers lack empathy and that’s simply not true. They probably don’t express it in the same way as everybody else but its there and its probably there in greater spoonfuls than you can imagine. It can consume their whole being so that they slow down to a snails pace as its taking so much of their thinking space and time. They feel it far more intensely then any other human being will. So be patient and let us process what we are dealing with. Eventually we will come out of our shell. Sometimes you can help by talking and others times just let us be with our thoughts. Being withdrawn allows us to focus all our energy on the task at hand which could and probably is multifaceted since we will look at it from all angles and consider all possibilities no matter how ludicrous or far fetched they may seem to you. Emotions are not logical and take a long time to think about so we need to delve into ourselves to examine what they are making us think about and remember. These maybe painful memories that were buried long along but an awakening with most likely happen and then we will be able to move on. Don’t rush or hurry us.

Aspergers and the need for intellectual stimulation

Sometimes I feel like Johnny Five the robot shouting Input! Input! I need Input! Other times I feel like Dr Who, the ability to go where I like, when I like but in need of a companion to make it all worthwhile and to make it mean something. I need a challenge, something to do that is worth my time not just boring monotony. Sure change is what I hate but too much of the same is surely worse. Learning is what I’m all about, I’m extremely curious and yes I like novelty. It goes with my obssessions. I’m eccentric and quirky but I still to have that human connection occasionally. Conversations about life, the universe and everything are not just for late at night when your drunk. They can be very interesting at other times when your debating philosophy, the economy or politics. So I’m brutally honest and get hated on for not sugar coating things. Most of you are offended by what I say but at the same time thinking it, knowing it to be true. It’s just you know you can never say it as it goes against the grain and you will be oestrized from society. I’m an outsider, I always will be, a square peg that will never quite fit into the round hole that is general society. I would like to fit in but not at the cost of becoming exactly what I detest, that uniform round peg. I love talking about history, languages, cultures and finding out why things are the way they are. I like teaching and helping others. One of the things I commonly say to people is, do you know why Brazil speaks Portuguese while the rest of South America speaks Spanish? The answer is the treaty of Tordisilas in 1547. Portugal and Spain were carving up the new world and an earlier treaty from 20 years ago had the line over the ocean which ws not satisfactory so they made a new one. This is the kind of random fact that gets stuck in my head and constantly recited.

To hell with it – or why I will vote no in the #Greferendum

The pic sums it all up. There damn ed if they leave and dammed if they don’t.

The Irate Greek

These last few days must be the worst I have had the misfortune to live through since I came into this world forty-one years ago, and that’s not because Greece is heading towards total economic collapse. It’s because the small modicum of democracy we had in this country since six months after I was born has collapsed, with no hope of revival in the immediate future.

There’s a tragic irony to the fact that the nail in the coffin of democracy came from what should have been the ultimate democratic act: a call for a referendum. Of course, a referendum announced at nine days’ notice about an offer that doesn’t stand is a farce in and of itself, and when the deputy prime minister states on public television that the announcement was merely a negotiating tool, it only adds insult to injury. But in the wider context, this is only…

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