On the dual nature of Aspergers and normality

I quite often believe that I am in fact not one person but 2. I am Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. One is the normal side, that is more or less appropriate for my age that you see when you most likely first meet me or I’m probably in a good mood and can change and adapt; the other more primitive, simplistic and childlike side is the autistic side which doesn’t change so the disparity increases the more I age and causes an increasing amount of grief to all concerned as its so unexpected. The autistic side is more apparent when I’m somewhat diminished in my faculties due to illness, sadness or some other trauma that is currently happening in my life; (This also applies to alcohol) and is usually the reason for people being perplexed about my behaviour as they don’t expect the girl who appears to be really good at socialising etc. to suddenly become withdrawn. This can be because I’m not getting my way in a petulant fashion as I’m can be extremely wilful and stubborn at times or it could be because a complex array of emotions, thoughts, feelings and experiences has occurred; (basically life), that I hadn’t anticipated and so need time to digest it all without further stimulation to complicate matters. This can lead to issues but we all have vulnerabilities that we need to deal with. Usually these kind of articles are prompted by an online conversation with someone that doesn’t know me or Asperger’s that well so its my way of explaining to them the difficulties that I have with perceiving and reacting to what is to others normal social interaction. I will never fully understand the social world but I’m getting increasingly good at faking it. I am sorry for the people that I offend with my bluntness or what ever else that I do trying to act in a manner that is befitting on the occasion in question but I don’t always get it spot on and you have to bear with me on this note.

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