Overload

As you may know I have Asperger syndrome and that causes a processing overload sometimes as I absorb everything around me in such great detail that I just can’t cope and will become very sluggish until this backlog is dealt with. This can take many forms from isolation, moodiness, listlessness but also a complete of lack of interest in anything as I can’t handle what is currently going through my mind so I certainly don’t want any more input. The confusing thing is I can’t  always put into words what is happening to me or why I am in such a state of angst. Writing is soothing and calming as it helps to order the complex array of emotions and thoughts that are whirling round my head like a cyclone. Talking is just too much effort sometimes and I can’t always deal with it. I’m trying to arrange so many things from the past, present and future that it all collides into one gigantic mess and the resulting inevitable explosion is generally not a pleasant thing to experience. Sometimes it’s tears and I won’t know why since I was possibly on top of the world 2 minutes ago and other times its anger built from a couple of days/ weeks tension about many things each of which I don’t have control over and may or maybe not understand fully the reasons for why that is like the way it is. Issues with myself that can’t be changed usually means tears, if it’s someone or something else causing the drama that tends to be anger and I can say quite a volley of swear words which shows how deeply I’m feeling whatever the issue is. After catharsis has been accomplished then all is good until the next occasion when I feel too much or experience an information deluge.

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