I’ve just figured out why the majority of my paintings are flat. My depth perception is off if I draw from nature, yet, if I draw that same image from a photograph I some how seem to be able to correct that problem.I do however need to step back to see it as just looking it from painting range means I won’t be able to see it. It might be why 3D glasses make my head go funny. Same for the stereoscopic pictures or a Nintendo 3ds. I’ve done the fly test at the opticians a couple of times and the flies never really seem to stand out so maybe that is an indication but it’s never been brought up before. I have after all been tested on a regular basis since I was a child. My short sightedness has been regularly getting worse except that one time when they broke and I couldn’t see properly for 2 weeks yet my test results improved?
Today I finally figured out that I cause my skin irritations as is a combination of hormones, emotions and diet. Now I could stop drinking which is what I have been doing recently but I cannot however stop my hormones nor would I want to. I also can’t stop my emotions. So my skin will forever be itchy as I will always be reactive or irritated by something. I’m working on my reactions to things but unexpected things will always happen in the world no matter how well you prepare for things and I’ve done a pretty job of doing that so far. My stimming which is combing my hair with my fingers and then running my fingers along it, curling it also is very prevalent right now. I did get it to go away for 2 months which is the first time in forever that has happened. The muscle tension went too. Along with me stroking or curling my hair in general.
Feeling my emotions to the point of crying my eyes out is hugely cathartic and clears up my system so that I can talk and participate once again in the world. I need to have a check in with myself when I wake up, at lunchtime and before I go to bed. Otherwise things could build up to dangerous levels and nobody wants to see those results. Writing my diary entries are very important for this reason but I haven’t been feeling like this recently. I need to have a schedule in place but I keep failing in this regard as I’m having little to no discipline or motivation right now since it all runs into one another. I’m not usually this bad but then we don’t usually have to deal with a pandemic lockdown. I enjoyed the first couple of weeks then I got used to it but now it’s becoming tiresome. At least I’m still having breakthroughs though!