Infinite possibility and its detractors

I have a butterfly mind.  This was recognised by my primary school teacher as she wrote precisely that in my school report. I may have even mentioned this before in one of my books. This means that I can be completely fascinated and absorbed in a subject one minute but something else completely unintended happens and it distract me until I’m reminded to refocus on the task at hand. It also means that depending on the strength of interest in the current task, I will constantly wander onto something else or stay on track. This ability for me to pay attention to so many different things at once tends to lead to exhaustion and its difficult to have a one track mind. When I do have one as fate would have it, its the time when I need my attention to be in 5 different places at once.

This constant switching is not particularly useful in the working world but it is very good when talking to strangers because you never know what there going to be interested in and can strike up a conversation about all manner of things. Yes I know you shouldn’t talk to strangers because its dangerous, I’m English and all the other things we get indoctrinated about throughout our lives but if you never did that you would never make any friends or do anything cool.

Its also how businesses start and thrive for isn’t networking the bringing together of many unknowns that have a common interest and are working together to achieve a common goal? So you see I have the potential for so many things but is currently underutilised as I love to research, read, watch the world around me to stay informed on new developments, current affairs and all that this world has to offer. However, I hover on the edge of things not knowing how to contribute as others don’t like being shown up by there lack of knowledge and sometimes even morals and integrity for greed is there main motivator and they will stop at nothing until they get what they want. Harvey Weinstein anyone?

So what is a girl to do as you should show your femininity and vulnerability to show that you are a woman but then you are taken advantage of and if you present as masculine you never quite good enough as your just an impostor and you are denying who you really are and that is a sad state of affairs. Women have for too long been second class citizens as we are not as physically strong as men and our vitality decreases as we age where as men don’t in such a dramatic fashion but we are in fact much stronger in a mental capacity than they are. We need to leverage this advantage so that the playing field is levelled for men and women for both should stand side by side to create a fairer more just world.



Like a fine wine, one should get better as they age but it does not always feel like this especially in today’s youth obsessed culture. We forget the values of honesty, modesty and chastity in our efforts to be centre stage all of the time. We need to take time out occasionally to reflect on earlier times to see what they thought was most important as we may learn some important lessons that would otherwise be forgotten in the midst of progress. Just like the current upswing in vinyl sales, we are learning that despite all of the technological changes and improvements, sometimes the old ways are the best but we don’t realise until we stop to look and think. For our eyes are only really opened if we have open minds and hearts to all that is around us. Old wives tales remain in our culture and aural heritage because what they encapsulate is essentially true.  We have to have the foresight to appreciate that they too learnt from their forefathers in a never ending circle of wisdom as we are forever standing on the shoulders of giants.

We are losing a sense of community here in the UK so we are fighting to regain it as that is what makes a better place to live. Shared knowledge, kinship and affiliation bind stronger than money does although blood may be the strongest tie there is. We can learn from other cultures that still have there bonds in place and reinforce our own as well as creating new ones. We can create a better country and have better lives but we have to be willing to accept all people.

As you grow you discard the beliefs and attitudes of childhood like a snake shedding its skin and go into a completely new being that appreciates all that adulthood has to offer. Not just the outward appearances of sophistication like classical music, classic hollywood or even olives and martinis (dry, dirty and with vodka) 😉 but you come to realise that there are horrors of the world like those shown in the Handmaid’s Tale or Patrick Melrose. Gotta love me some Bendy dick Cucumber patch. Yes this is not the usual style of writing one should adopt when trying to make serious points but it more accurately reflects what actually happens inside my mind and its not always appropriate or civilised. Certain impulses have to be controlled so that one appears disciplined and put together at all times even if you want to burst into tears as the emotional torment that exists in your body is so great it wishes to burst though like the aliens in MIB.

Creativity, anxiety and writers block

As I’m learning about myself as I’m such a complex person like we all are, I’m gaining awareness of what makes me tick and how to look after not only my physical well being but my mental health too. Mental health is even more fragile than our physical health as we cannot see yet it is always present in the background. We neglect to look after our minds and then we wonder why we have mental breakdowns, anxiety attacks and get depressed.

Just like there is a thin line between love and hate there is between the creative impulses that are positive and the negative impulses that our brain creates for us. Those with higher intelligence also tend to be isolated for their brains tend to torture them not only with flashes of inspiration but also images of the most horrific nature and its up to there own beliefs etc to stand up and get rid of the those thoughts that are unwarranted and unwanted. This constant fight between good and evil is extremely tiring but most people only see the end result when the person can no longer continue to battle. If only life was as easy as visiting a Pokemon centre to be instantly healed.

When we try to just live with just the positivity though it can feel like we are only experiencing half of what life has to offer. Yes everyone would love a pristine life but that’s an idealistic dream that rarely comes true for is there is no darkness how can you measure how good everything is? The universe is made of opposites and therefore you need to have both in your life to create balance and to understand all things.

Writers block is created when you try to control everything and you have gone as far as you can go in your current situation and something needs to change to reinvigorate your creative juices. It is usually when the darkness has taken hold of you but you are not Darth Vader and need to find a way back to becoming Anakin Skywalker.

The interspersing of pop culture references help to stop an article such as this from being too sombre as you need to tread a fine line between getting peoples attention with a novel idea but also keeping it with the occasional light touch. It also shows that this material is relatable to all ages and is not just a philosophical discussion on the ills of the world. Another aspect is to show how easily the mind can distracted from an unpleasant chain of thoughts to one that is completely different just by the use of different words. Pattern recognition is an amazing technique that can connect all sorts of disparate ideas into a cohesive whole that has a shocking amount of depth that you would not understand if all of those different threads had not been collected together for your later examination.

Real food

I like the movements that exist at the moment and by that I mean veganism, vegetarianism, the vintage movement, love food hate waste and also the inclusion of other cultures foods as part of our national diet.

Veganism has at its heart an awareness that there are ways to eat that are kinder to ourselves and to the environment than the diet that the West has adopted in recent decades. Too much packaged food as our lives have got busier has meant that our health has suffered accordingly. In order to return ourselves to a healthier outlook on life has meant that we need to reexamine the food that we consume on a daily basis and our attitudes to the animals that are involved in it. Of course veganism is an extreme diet that eliminates all food products from an animal source but that does not mean it is unhealthy or even expensive if done correctly. Most religions have a point in there calendar where they advocate fasting for a short period of time so that they could reconnect to the surroundings they lived in and to make sure that they were properly appreciated the food that they were eating. It was good for there health, wealth and ensured the land was bountiful around them. We seem to have lost the connection between the growth of our food and what we eat as so much processing happens now that american children think chocolate milk comes from brown cows. The problem is all over the civilised world although by looking to more traditional cultures we can see that they eat seasonably and therefore gain the best nutrition from there food. Here in the UK we have so much monoculture that even if we eat a varied diet, the soil no longer contains all of the necessary nutrients. So we have to re-wild our fields to encourage nature to visit and return the lost biodiversity.

Vegetarianism is the stopping of eating animal flesh but you still eat animal derived products. This is easier to follow since we are most accustomed to this but will present certain cultures with issues as they don’t have the necessary enzymes to digest the food in the first place. Meatless Mondays is a return to healthier diets as in the past meat was quite a rare commodity and we didn’t eat anywhere near the amount we do nowadays and our waistlines were smaller as a result. We don’t have to mindlessly devour the nearest food simply because were bored, busy, hungry. We have a choice to eat how our bodies would like us to eat and not how the media or fast food corporations want us to.

As a part of the vegan and vegetarism movements, the vintage movements is taking hold as then things were made to last and the quality was better as we didn’t have the throwaway culture we do today. It was make do and mend along with various other sayings. A significant amount of this came out of necessaity because shortages in supply were often experienced due to a lack of supply. We were not so commercial in those days. Technology eases the burden of housework and many other tasks that we encounter on a daily basis but this amount of free time has been squandered in some ways on items that do not improve our lives and possibly even hinder. I’m talking mainly about social media and fast food here but also the consumption of excessive amount of alcohol and drugs.

So much waste happens when we are not in control of our bodies for one reason or another. Maybe we are blinded by greed, sloth or even avarice. This is why the campaigns to get supermarkets to donate food that is paste its sell by date but not its use have taken hold in recent years. If we are capable of producing so much food, we should surely use it to help eradicate world hunger. Maybe we will even achieve world peace if everyone eats in a sustainable manner from locally sourced, in season food.

Reflections on the past

I have spent the winter hibernating like a good animal should and now it is time to reveal the insights that such a slumber has produced. I have spent a great deal of time dealings with my thoughts, some of which were positive and some were not. Life is full of both kinds but it is how we react to them that decides which path our life takes. If we choose to follow the lights then we may meet people who are the personification of all that is good in life and they will nourish us and allow us to fufil our true potential. If we allow the darkness to seep in and to take root then we are heading down a very dark path indeed but nobody can really help us to emerge from that depressive place. We have to be strong enough to fight off our personal demons in whatever form they choose to take for they can be very cunning and come attractively packaged to further entice us to commit devious tasks but we must have the strength to not only fight back but also to triumph! It may not be the sparkling victory that we had imagined but we are not all required to build Nikopolis (victory city) to showcase our own dominance.

Like the butterfly emerging from its chrysalis I feel reborn with a creative energy pulsing through my veins like I have never felt before. I feel like I have a power that cannot be stopped as I have been through so much before and now have the strength that adversity gives you to be able to take on the world. We live in a convoluted world that is in a constant state of flux which is incredibly difficult for me to deal with. I would like to stop the world sometimes to get off and contemplate my navel but of course that is not possible so deal with the merry go round I must. I do write in a very visual way as I experience the world in technicolour and it is glorious to see so many layers of meaning and thought to everything that exists and to view cause and effort like no other but it is exhausting and the batteries do frequently need recharging unlike my Psyduck.

I see connection where few others do but I also do not see where others do. I am not a particularly talkative person but I’m constantly absorbing new data but unlike the real world I don’t have GDPR to regulate myself and have to create these filters for myself as they are not innate. I like to think of myself as articulate but I’m certainly not succinct as I like to explore things from all angles being in possession of a hyperactive mind that is always searching for answers. I’m not particularly distinct in my speech hence the over use of metaphors and similies to create pictures in another’s mind for when the clarity of speech has failed to elicit meaning in the other. I’m a quiet person when talking but as I’m sure you have gathered by now, my mind is extraordinarily loud, shouting all manner of things at me that all want to be obeyed immediately and that simply cannot be done, nor is appropriate.



This is an idea that I have been researching this year as many people draw comfort this and it has such an incredible force on the outcome of wars, society and just the general shaping of entire populations that it is worthy of intense study. While there may not be a supernatural being above us controlling our lives in some way, you cant deny the impact they have had on the shape of our buildings, diet, culture and literally everything that has come to define us as a race of beings.

I was fascinated when I went to the Vatican as its such an astonishing building and to think that this was almost 5 years ago shows you the effect that it had on myself. There really is no building anything like it in the Christian World. The only thing that I can think of that is perhaps like it; is the Taj Mahal in India which is a mauseuluem. Agia Sofia while originally created as a church is now a mosque.

This shows that the only force capable of standing up to ‘divine love’ is the love of another person, your soulmate. This I believe is the purpose of religion. To make the best version of ourselves for we need a purpose and a reason to create such magnificient works of art and belief in an amnipotent being helps us to do that. Its almost irrelevant to prove whether they exist or not as they are an extension of us. so therefore they both exist and do not exist for it its only a concept created by our minds to help us understand the complexity that is the universe. We are not put on earth to do god’s bidding for he is us and we are him. This is why God is so hard to pin down in a representational form and in Islam it is forbidden to have any depiction of him whatsoever hence the fabulous forms that adorn all mosques and the focus on calligraphy as that shows how a person should behave. Of course over the centuries all religious texts are changed beyond recognition so people come to believe things far removed from the original ideas that were inshrined in the books that populations have come to venerate. This change has spawned many a war; even iconaclasm which is when groups of people destroyed the religious icongraphy as it was lavish and demonstrated that the church had lost its piety.

Recently after watching many shows over the winter educating me about the history of Christianity, Judasim, Islam and even Sikism with a sprinkling of Hindiusm, I went to a Greek Orthodox church service. I didn’t understand about 90% of it as it was in medieval Koine Greek but it was incredible that I could pick out the Lords prayer as it was given special emphasis and then read in English but also that the small congregation would cross themselves and bow their heads in recognition of each section. There was even a lady next to me frequently glancing at her Greek bible!

I liked the fact that in the midst of all the media hype about Harry and Megan’s wedding which I totally did not care about, I found an oasis of calm and it was like meditating. I understood words like father, love, wisdom for these are ever present terms that will never stop being relevent so that acted like signposts to gather the rest of the incoherent speech around me.


It is nice when you obtain an inner peace that allows you to view the world around you as a place of opportunity, magic and wonder. No I am not on drugs, I am completely sober also. I like autonomy and it’s amazing how a few simple tweaks to life can produce so much difference. Taking charge of your diet, working for your happiness, doing what you want when you want while accepting that work is necessary and required but if you enjoy it, it’s not really work is it? We have so many outdated ideas about what life should comprise and what we should be doing on a daily basis. Life is for your own enjoyment, even the ancient Greeks knew this. We have somehow lost this in our current 24/7 world but with the recent rise in mindfulness, mediation and spiritual awareness I believe we are clawing back our sanity from the rise of technology and its ubiquitious presence.

I live a lifestyle which can be considered the envy of those of who work in offices 9-5 5 days a week. There is a harmony to knowing that you will only work those hours and nothing more but we all know that due to the nature of business and the commercial world that we live in, the hours are quite frequently longer. Since I can more or less choose my own hours, the tasks to do and when, it gives a lot more freedom but what is lost is the sense of structure and since when you are free, everyone else is not; you do have to be a rather strong person as its a lonely existence being a free spirit at times.

Motivation is a key player here and I know that I need to listen to my body as I don’t always feel like cleaning the house and I also have to be respectful of my house so I can’t always hoover when I see that it is necessary. Now while this may sound like a first world problem, giving yourself time to recharge your batteries is extremely important as this is why depression, suicide and self medicating with alcohol, cigarettes etc is on the rise in an effort to keep up the image that everything is rosy while it is clearly not. We need to take a long, hard look at ourselves and think why are we doing this? What are we accomplishing and who are we doing it for? If it is not beneficial we need to start making some changes like adopting a healthier diet or increasing our exercise, perhaps even taking a holiday to readdress our work/life balance. When everything is in proportion we will feel better about our bodies. this may sound rather evangelical from my point of you as I’m self employed but you can do this too if you really want to.